Yesterday one of our children was refusing to let his younger brother wear his plastic army helmet. There are plenty of helmets here, so that wasn’t the issue. He just wanted to save the nicest one for himself, and he was making quite a stink about it.
Little did he know, I had just bought brand new, metal army surplus helmets which were more realistic than anything our boys had ever had before. We are studying World War 2 right now, and I had been saving these beautiful helmets for our hands-on activities.
The younger brother was told to give the helmet back, and then he (and the other boys) were each presented with their brand new real army helmets. The selfish brother didn’t get his. He was told to wear the helmet he had insisted on having moments earlier.
Suddenly, that helmet wasn’t good enough! He was now begging his younger brother to take the old helmet and let him wear the new one! Little brother actually felt sorry for him, but I told him he couldn’t share. Older brother was being disciplined for being so selfish and unkind.
The older brother was suddenly “sorry”. He would give his plastic helmet to his younger brother to keep for good, out of the kindness of his heart!
But mommy wasn’t fooled. This sudden repentance was bound up in the fact that he couldn’t have what he wanted, and had nothing to do with real repentance at all! He thought that if he acted sorry, perhaps he would get his metal helmet. When he found out that he was still going to have to play without it for awhile, he refused to play at all! He would ride his bike and pout, or so he thought.
Instead, he lost the opportunity to play anything for awhile, and had to sit in his room in time out and think about his attitude while his brothers went outside in full garb and learned how to extinguish incendiary bombs.
O.K., they were really potatoes wrapped in tin foil, but it was great fun nonetheless!
Eventually this brother did honestly repent. He did want to be with his brothers, even if he couldn’t wear his new helmet yet. He now knew how it felt to have to wear the “old” helmet while others had new ones, and he felt bad that he had been unkind to his brother. His attitude changed, and he was able to enter into the game without self-consciousness about what he was wearing or envy toward someone else. And eventually he was given his new helmet and was truly grateful for it.
We do our children no favors if we allow ourselves to be duped by a display of tears or the word “sorry” if does not spring from true repentance over sin. All children will feel sorry that they lost their privileges but that is only a counterfeit repentance, aimed at restoring their privileges. It can be hard to hold out for true repentance, but the real thing is worth it.
“Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” 1 Corinthians 7:10
Soooo true. I love the way you handled it. I’d like to think I would have done exactly the same thing. It is hard, but necessary, for us to allow our children to experience the natural consequences of their own sin, isn’t it?
How often do we accept that “sorry repentance” and go on. With the child never really being “sorry” or “repentant”!
Thanks for the reminder….
This is great, thanks. They are young and we are trying to build the foundation now. I will watch out for the real repentance. God Bless!